*silence*

Why am I always waiting for buses that never come?
I don't understand this constant misery
I have chains to my feet
that drag me down.
I deserve to drown in that lake.
Don't tell me I need help
It exists in excess when I don't
Flits away when I do.

Never happy
never satisfied
never stable
Always falling apart

I need the push
so I can fall
I need the ram
so I can break
The sleep,
so I never have to wake up
The shot,
so I never have to think again.

Fuck off.
Please. Just let me die.

Just keep living
Let me vanish without a trace

What do I do now?

"Whether or not we admit it to ourselves, we are all haunted by a truly awful sense of impermanence."
- Tennessee Williams

5:07 on the clock.
Inescapable,
Pervasive
Crushing
Lip-biting
tear-wrenching
uncontrollable
Loneliness.

Desire
To see. To destroy.
To touch. To wreck.
Taste. Bite.
Talk. Kill.
Hear. Die.

Why does it matter?
Nobody I can tell.
The inadequacy, it's
a continual
downward spiral.

It pushes up
only so
It can pull down again

Irony.
When you're there
I never am
I've stopped looking out of that window.
20 million people in this city
Yet no chance, no providence
no kismet
that I meet you.

I can't help
this teeth-clenching
tearful
non-verbal
Loneliness.

5.45
On my way home
Maybe I should
find it first.